The best intentions
Today I had the best of intentions to get back to my usual self. The only thing I had on my schedule was lunch with my friend Tina, so I decided that today I would put a pulled pork into the slow cooker, tidy up a bit of this huge man cave I live in and be somewhat productive. I told myself I would just do what I can, go slow, take it one step at a time… I mean honestly, I have to be able to do more than just laze around all day. Right?
So I started slow. I laid in bed until about 9:30, then did indeed put the pork in the slow cooker. (I make a wicked super easy version of pulled pork that is sugar free and paleo – if anyone wants the recipe just ask). Sat with my book for a while. Then Tina came over, so we had a visit, and then decided to go to Maudes for lunch. Then we stopped at Save On for some groceries because I decided I want to bake a pie for dessert. I’ve never baked a pie, but I have all these apples that have been dropped off and I’ll be damned if I’ll let them go to waste. But knowing my limitations I decided I would go with a pre made crust, which of course I don’t have in the house. So shopping it was.
Well then. Hello wall. You again.
Never made the pie. Never even put the groceries away. Haven’t touched the laundry. Or the man cave. I don’t think I will either. Done. Done like dinner.
There’s no more normal for me. I don’t even know what that means anymore. Tina and I had all these great conversations that I can’t wait to share with all of you, but I’m lucky if I can even hold up my phone to post this one. I feel like I’ve been run over. By a herd of bulls. That had just had Taco Bell.
I wonder if I lie really still if somehow the energy from lunch will seep its way into my system. I think it actually does work that way. I’ve never really thought that one through before. Maybe this wall is just digestion.
So the pie can wait. I think the boys have hockey tonight anyway. One homemade thing per day should be enough I think.
I’ve learned that my own expectations are the hardest ones to meet. And the hardest to let go. I do have a “to do” list a mile long of other people’s stuff – important stuff like booking flights and putting up blinds and dealing with emails that require me to actually open my computer. But my “want to do” list is full too – of things like baking pies and visiting friends and driving around playing my game. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that Teri Kerr is only capable of doing one thing per day. It’s a diminished crappy existence that I’ve found myself in.
So I think I’ll have a nap. I think I have to actually, because I can’t actually physically get up from the lying down position I have found myself in. The boys should be home soon. Maybe they’ll bake me a pie.