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A goat path to fulfillment and a blood moon eclipse
We often have 8 lane highways that are our go-to behaviours that determine our direction in life. They’re easy. They’re comfortable. We don’t have to think about them. But what if fulfillment and happiness and joy are off the beaten path? And what if your family and friends aren’t on the same road as you? Choosing a new path is difficult and hard. Do you hold yourself and the ones you love as capable of change?
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Showing up in the world
I caught a glimpse of my reflection today in an airport duty free window, and thought WOW! I don’t look at all like I think I do. I’m shorter than I feel. Softer. Older. Grumpier. It made me think of how I show up in the world. I wondered how many other people are walking around with their inner selves feeling disconnected from their outer selves. I flew out to Saskatchewan to see my boys on the weekend, which meant airports, small talk and interesting conversations with strangers. I’m never one to shy away from conversations. I love hearing people’s stories, and I find airports seem to be the space…
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Well I’m glad THAT’S over!!
What a crazy day! Started with the thought “I have all morning to relax before being picked up at 11:30”. I sat down, ate my oatmeal and put on the U.S. Open to watch me some golf. Phone rang. It’s the cancer agency saying that my blood work from yesterday has come back with blood counts too low for chemo, and could I please come and get more blood work done NOW so they can make a decision on whether I can follow through with it. So I lost the morning, and then waited and waited and waited to see if my new blood counts were better. Best part is…
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Change of plan!!!
Well I wish I could say it was a good change, but I’m not so sure it is. I saw both of my oncologists today. Tomorrow is my last round of the worst chemo, which technically means that the next three weeks will be the hardest. Then things are supposed to get better as the next four rounds are a different kind, which aren’t supposed to make me as tired. However, instead of having surgery as planned in the fall, now I need 28 rounds of radiation first. So surgery won’t happen until 6 weeks after THAT, so probably after Christmas. I now have to wait for my surgeon…
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Timing is everything
I’m such a control freak. I have been scared to death, cut open, poisoned, and basically made androgynous, but the hardest part of this whole ride has been about time. I was going to say waiting, but that’s only part of it. The concept of TIME covers waiting, healing, counting the days between treatments, knowing when I do or don’t or will or won’t need help, planning my days, planning my future, and waiting some more. TIME has been my largest struggle. I should have known it would be an issue when time stood still after my diagnosis. Then there was the wait for a surgery date, while fielding a…
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Shit people say….
Today I’ve run into a sort of theme. It started innocently enough by an internet troll trying to sell me some multilevel supplement that “will change my life”. I was feeling somewhat adventurous so I responded, mostly to her marketing technique of trolling her friends’ facebook friends and hoping for a bite, and we got into a bit of a conversation about “what’s best for me.” I finally told her sorry, I can’t do her supplement because I’m doing chemo, and she responded with a list of people she knows who have died of cancer, and how it only affects the strongest people, etc etc etc. Her logic was way…