One Year. And 25 days.

One year ago today (well yesterday actually, but I didn’t get to finish my post) I decided on a whim to go to the mobile mammogram clinic at UVic. After all, our Vikes staff meeting was cancelled, being the first Tuesday back to work. And it was right there… So convenient. And hey, that’s a good thing to do before we up and move to Saskatchewan for the next chapter of our lives – good box-ticking Teri!

I remember joking about it with my co-workers when I got back – how weird it was to undress in a classroom, with a faded paper Chinese privacy shade separating me from the door. How just outside the door was the Coop and Career boardroom, where all my previous co-workers were gathered for “awkward cake” – first Tuesday of every month! 

I had no idea what would change after that day. 

So today (yesterday) I celebrated by going back to campus. I went back to my old building where my old office used to be. I went to the pool, and did 45 minutes of “aquafit”. I use quotation marks because there was no class happening, so I basically went in and did my own thing. I used a floatie and tried to get some movement back in my shoulder. I had a shower in my old staff change room. I didn’t cry. I just pretended everything was the way it used to be. The way it should be. 

A friend of mine told me the other day that “something has changed” with me. The tone of my posts. The inspiration. I sound tired. I think honestly I’m just not that exciting to people any more. 

This may sound weird, but this is one of the things I have noticed along the way. People like having a friend with drama in their lives. They like to dote, and gossip, and say things like “keep up the fight!” and “you’re so strong! ” while secretly thinking “man, I’m so glad it’s not me.” I’ve had people silently unfriend me on FB, thinking I have so much support that I will never miss them. (For the record, those that matter I have called them on it – those that don’t, well, their loss). I’ve stopped responding to people that may or may not just be looking to make themselves feel better because they checked in on their sick friend. I’ve stopped hearing from some people altogether. Honestly? I don’t really give a shit any more. So yes, something has changed. 

Funnily enough, I’m actually physically feeling really good! I’m working on getting as strong as I can before my surgery on the 1st. I’m doing the same high protein, lots of water, no alcohol, exercise every day thing as the rest of you with your New Years Resolutions, though for different reasons. I just want my healing to go well. I have 25 days to get as ready as I could possibly be. I’m battling a few demons (and I think I’m winning) in the spiritual and emotional side, but this too shall pass. One thing is for certain – today will end, tomorrow will happen, and each minute is just as long as the one before it and the one that is to come. Hopefully next year I will be able to reminisce back on today with less clouds in my heart.