Mountain top experiences

I’ve been feeling really strong – like back to my old self strong. So last Thursday I went with a friend and climbed Mt Finlayson! We did the back side, and we went somewhat slow, but we did it nevertheless. I felt like a million bucks for about four days afterwards. Well, a million stiff and achey bucks, but probably no different than if I had climbed it any other time. I am, after all, still just plain fat and out of shape….

But I tell ya, when I got to the top of that mountain, and when I got back down to the bottom, I felt something shift inside me. I was finally not sick anymore. Out of shape, yes, but sick? Nope. I got this. It was like I had to prove to myself – not anyone else – that I was capable of something again. I could have knit a sweater, or finished a 1000 piece puzzle, or closed a big deal at work, but this? This was different. It was so much bigger than that. It was an impromptu, unexpected, symbolic and physical claiming of victory. I felt proud of myself for the first time in this fight.

But all good euphoric feelings must come to an end. I have chemo again this afternoon, and 17 days until surgery. I’m starting to get really nervous. But that’s to be expected. Just like on the mountain, I just have to put one foot in front of the other and soon enough I’ll get there!