Boxing Day update

We have had a great, if not emotional, Christmas. Apparently it’s the year of flannel, knives and socks. Like each kid got at LEAST 20 pairs of socks, simply because every time I went shopping I couldn’t remember if I had bought socks or not.

Both Jeff’s parents and my parents came down, and we have been so blessed to have Aidan home. Although he honestly drives me crazy. Like bat shit crazy. Between his humongous personality and his hormonal teenager brother, with my emotions all over the map, and the general holy crap of Christmas, it’s been feisty to say the least!

I had my 13th chemo infusion on Christmas Eve, and Jeff went with me this time. The last three I have opted to go it on my own, but I have found it’s actually really hard to do. My heart breaks for people that have to go through their entire treatment on their own – even though Jeff isn’t exactly the most compassionate or empathic person, at least he’s there when I start to cry for the reason of the moment.

I have found I am relying more and more on the pattern of “what’s next.” I’m living my life on a timeline of to do lists and box checking. So, tomorrow we’re heading to Langley for a hockey tournament. Then comes New Years. Then Aidan goes home. Then Jeff’s birthday. Then chemo again. Then Vincent leaves and a new student, Mario from Mexico arrives. And then February 1st will be my BIG surgery.

I’ve started a list of things I need for that. Apparently my Vikes lanyards will finally come in handy, as they are good for holding up drains. I will likely have to send Brendan to the Family Day tournament in Abbotsford with someone on the team, as I’ll still be in hospital, or likely just coming home, and I would like Jeff to stay with me. I need to install a handheld shower head. Find some heart shaped pillows or neck pillows for under my arms. Get a few good books and something to hold up my iPad/phone so I don’t have to hold them. Stock up the freezer. Love my family. I’m sure by the time we get there I will be completely ready.

I have tried really hard to enjoy the holidays without being morbid or overly sappy. I’ve also tried (and been quite successful) at eliminating the drama of this time of year. Half of that I’m sure is due to the fact that I can’t drink more than two glasses of wine without being stuck in bed for days afterwards. Note to self….

I’m very thankful for a lot of things. Mostly Jeff. My family. Certain friends that have stuck by me and that understand when I just can’t deal with certain situations or people anymore. For technology, which has allowed this extrovert to enjoy introversion without losing my sense of self. For my amazing doctors and nurses and techs. Whole new level of respect there. For my baristas at Starbucks that treat me like I’m not sick at all, but rather just an awesome customer that appreciates them on a daily basis. For my cats. I actually kind of like my house now. It’s taken me a long time to be comfortable staying at home. I would still much rather meet people for lunch or coffee than to have someone “come over for a visit.”

It’s been a long year. 2016 will also be a long year. But hopefully I’m only being refined by this fire, not basted for consumption.

So for those of you who have not yet, please book yourself for a mammogram. Or a prostate exam. They may be uncomfortable, but so much better than the alternative.