A post about not much at all!
I haven’t posted any updates lately. In fact, I had to look back to see when the last one was, and it was a quite a while ago! Sorry about that. I just haven’t had much to say lately.
I’ve now completed 12 of my 28 radiation treatments. It’s been going well actually – so far so good. I was super tired the first week, but my body seems to be adjusting, weirdly enough. I’m just now starting to have tenderness in my arm pit and a bit of a burn on my back where I can’t reach to put the cream on. But all good.
A friend of mine was recently diagnosed, also with breast cancer. I went to her surgeon appt with her today. It’s weird actually. It’s an interesting trip to go back to the beginning and remember what conversations happened, which fears were unnecessary, which processes happened in which order, all while knowing that if I have learned anything at all it’s that every person’s experience will be different from mine.
My oncologist told me I should be prepared for the year after treatment to be harder than the year of treatment itself. That was discouraging. Apparently PTSD, scanxiety, fear of recurrence, and trouble adjusting “back to normal when nothing is the same” is very real for a lot people. How exactly does one go back to the way things were before after going through this kind of thing? I was really upset after that appointment, but after a few days, now it just makes me go hmmm. I guess it’s just another thing to expect out of the “what to expect when you have no idea what to expect” book that doesn’t exist.
My other doctor let me know that my heart function is down again, which SUCKS. This was the day before my Herceptin infusion. (Herceptin is my last kind of chemo – it’s the stuff that is going to save my life – all things going well, I will have infusions every three weeks until June). He managed to freak me out with the news that my heart was suffering, and then he called me to say “We’ve decided that we’re going to go through with the next two rounds and then do another scan – if it’s bad we’ll panic then.” Okay then. I’ll make sure not to go to any haunted houses between now and then, just in case!!
Anyway, apparently there’s nothing I can do to help my heart (it’s my ejection fraction, if you need to google it) so I’m just trying to walk every day and eat well, but not so well that I possibly could affect the efficacy of my radiation by intentionally adding antioxidants…. Just like I am not allowed to use any creams that may have healing properties on my radiation burns, because we WANT to break down my tissues…. It’s a messed up process trying to figure all this shit out.
Other than that, nothing to see here! I am fully enjoying the fall. I can finally wear a toque without looking out of place!! My hair is growing back (completely grey!!) and my eyebrows are now at that ugly “stubbly” phase that just makes me want to wax them. I love all the fall colours and beautiful days we’re having before it starts to rain. I’ve also never noticed how many squirrels we have around here. They are all very busy getting ready for winter. Makes me want to bake and knit and do all kinds of winter type nesting activities.
Now go get a mammogram. I’m going to have a glass of wine.