To wig or not to wig? That is the question.

Fashion has never been my thing. I’m a hoody and jeans girl – simply because I’m just fashionably incompetent, and have no idea what works and what does not work. The best part about losing my hair is that it forgave me my useless taste. It made me rarely give a shit what I look like. I have way bigger problems than some stranger’s judgement. But I always kind of wished I could be one of those people that just threw together something easy and made it look cool, you know? The truth is hair or no hair, what is most comfortable rarely looks good on me, and what looks good is rarely comfortable. I’m simply not shaped for fashion.

Which brings me back to today. I bought three wool blankets that are passing for fashion right now. Then I saw someone in the mall who must struggle with the same issues as me, because she basically looked like she was walking around wrapped in a blanket. And it wasn’t pretty. But I bet she’s warmer than I am, because she had a full head of hair!

I came home, and for the first time realized that you know, I think I want to wear my wig. Just for the warmth factor. I am so so so cold. I haven’t worn it at all, except for the one time back in May that I went to Cirque du Soleil with my mom. At the time it was itchy and hot. Today it feels like a toque! Suddenly what originally felt foreign and weird has a purpose. I almost look like I could pull off a blanket as a fashion statement!

I’m having one of those days when I just want my old life back. I’ve been having a lot of these lately. Not like the “working full time while volunteering full time while being excessively busy and overdoing it” old me, but just the “non cancer cell in the room” me. It’s getting old. Simple things. Like being able to taste food. Having normal energy levels. Getting out of the shower and being OK with what I see in the mirror. Having hair again. We take so much for granted.

I bought the wig because I felt it was going to matter. To date, it really hasn’t. But today, I realized I miss looking good. I miss fitting in. And something that has felt frivolous and unnecessary to date may just have found a place as the best way to keep my head warm. I like that. It’s efficient. Which is most definitely the old me.